Friday, July 25, 2014

Love's Warm Embrace.

Ok ladies, confess. Do you like to be held by your husband/ significant other? My husband is not the cuddling, type, in fact he doesn't like long hugs, from anyone really with the acceptation of our children and some awkward hugs at my brother in laws funeral a few years back, I've never seen him hug anyone else aside from me. I'll admit that it bothered me and caused marital issues for a long time. It lead to two separations, the latter one almost ending our marriage for good. During that time was when I realized that I didn't want to be held. WHY?! Don't you feel safe and secure when your held? Don't you feel loved? My answer, no. I began to think about the things I "held".

  • My steering wheel,so I didn't loose control of my van.
  • My past so I didn't lose sight of where I came from. 
  • My trophies, metaphorically and physically, so I felt some sort of pride.
  • My clothes/jewelry/makeup, so I could control how I appeared to others. 
  • My emotions, so no one knew what was going on inside my world. 
  • My children, because I want them to stay little and sweet and unharmed by the world. 
All of these things I held led me to realize, being held is a way of controlling, of holding me back. Did you catch that HOLDING me back. Once I let go of the desire of needing to be held, our marriage turned around. I became a different person, a person that was loved regardless of what I had almost lost. My husband, since the beginning never held me back he held me as an equal. I can't explain why I never realized it before, but walking along life beside him is much more comforting than being held by him. Letting go of my insecurities and realizing I don't need to be held to be loved by him was freeing. Knowing that he's not holding me but laying beside me at night is more than enough to let me know he loves me. Tell me, are you being held by anything? 


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