My first Blog.

My first blog was from my myspace. I’d put my contact information up but I never check it for anything other than getting pictures from there. Plus until today I had forgotten the difference from my password compared to my others. They all have differnt variations of the same thing. And in my opinion its a darn good password lol. No one had been able to crack it since its creation in 99!!! Woot woot. 
But, July holds a heartache for my that I can’t describe or really go into detail about. I decided to push those feelings through instead of holding them in, we all know that NEVER works out for anyone. Look what it did to Mel Gibson, sorry that was a bad joke. Anyway, I went onto my old sad depressing myspace blog, Don’t Tell Me I’m Not When I Know That I Am. I know this was from a December Posting but it was written for me in July of well I won’t say but it’s mine and I only hope it wasn’t given to anyone else. I’m surprised I’ve kept it this long.  But here it is.

My heart, long are the days that I have tried,
to hold a form comparable to your own,
but nothing seems worthy.
I now know why Shakespeare did not,
compare his love to a summer's day.
It would truly be a crime, to denounce your beauty,
to discard and cast away the precision
God had placed into forming you.
Each facet of your being is like a shining light,
that amazes and entraps the beholder;
from which there is no release.
And yet, I do not want to be released;
I wish to stay entrapped forever.
With you for eternity.
Our hearts as one

It hurts when it shouldn’t, I think that’s becasue I’m suffering from cabin fever. Contrary to popular belief I’ve had more heartache in my life than people know. I do a good job at holding it together and trying to keep things calm. because there is SOOO much chaos in my mother’s side of the family.

I close my eyes
Hoping to find the right path
Walking further from you
In the dark, I cry
No one sees, as I lay and bleed
I close my eyes
looking back at past
I strugle to stand and fight against the wind
Mastering the art of turning back again
My body aches from the memories
of torture I've endured
I come to the begingin again
Just another dead end.
I turn to find another way
this time I WILL run
from all this rotting decay.
The tears they start to come again.
So turn around instead
I can't see where I'm going.
All I want is where I've been.
I'm walking backwards away from you.
It's the only way I can stay far from you.
I know you won't come my way.
But at least I can say.
I'll see you choose your road, your way


This one was written in December the previous year, it was a difficult time. I had to watch him move on while I didn’t that’s always a hard thing to do. I’m not saying that I haven’t moved on, I’m just saying that I still feel the pain from it. I’m sure other girls and women can confirm what I mean by that.  I’m just a wreck on days like today.