Sunday, June 13, 2010

Mikey's first Birthday party he'll never remember.

So, I've been planning Michael's birthday party since mid April I told everyone that I could think of that I would plan it a week after his actual birthday so that we could fit it into our already tight budget. Which Thursday we found out wasn't going to be so tight after all because we can't afford the taxes on my van. (Whole other story that I'm sure will come out another day) After having another melt down because I cant' successfully take care of all 4 of my children I in trusted my youngest daughter and really my only hurdle at the moment to my grandmother. She's a handful really, what 2 year old toddler isn't. My problem is I can't life her with out risking my health and it strains the stitching in my chest to do so. I'm still not fully recovered yet, I tire too easily which I hate to no end. I sat down the other day and fell asleep (that's my version. I swear I didn't pass out). Last night I made 24 cupcakes and a batch of brownies which I cut into little rounds with my handy biscuit cutter and sliced every cupcake in half. Then I topped each one with a brownie round all except one for my sister in law she doesn't like chocolate. That's not counting the huge pit of chili I made that would double as the hot dog chili for the party and the huge bowl of salsa I made chopping everything by hand. Then went to bed exhausted.
I woke up this morning about 8:30ish with a horrible stomach ache, another problem apparently I can't digest corn flakes too well yet it was either that or the chili the night before. I spent some time in the bathroom, before finally making it into the shower and checking my answering machine around 9:45ish. My grandmother was sending my two oldest girls home for the birthday party along with a table I had requested a couple days ago especially for the party. I called my younger sister to see if she could come a little earlier to help with some preparations. I had originally intended for the party to be outside but because of the rain relocated it to inside the house. Which also meant some furniture needed to be moved and the living room really needed a touch up and fast. I mover the location of the trash bin to in fornt of the laundry closet and closed it off. I then mixed up a batch of hot soapy water and scrubbed the kitchen floors and blinds that cover the glass sliding doors. Then I set up the borrowed table in front of it. Then changed the general location of my kitchen table. I then covered the tables with some of my kitchen linens and moved the dog to my bedroom for the day. He would enjoy that he doesn't get to going the very often lol. I put the cover on my sewing machine and put away all my pin cushions and several pairs of sicciors and thread. Then quickly shoved some balls of yarn into my knitting bag in time for my sister to get here. I then did two sinks full of dirty dishes and Wiped down the stove. I felt slightly light headed by this point but I continued. I fixed my nephew a quick little lunch of yogurt, string cheese and banana. My sister and girls ran the sweeper fluffed the pillows on the couch and removed any rummage from the hall and bathroom. When Stephen finally got home which was after 2:00 when the Party was originally to began I was just then heating up some leftover Lemon pepper fish for me to eat and starting on the fondant "cheese" for the "hamburger" cupcakes.

After showing my sister how to make the marshmallow fondant and getting it on the cupcakes I scarfed down my fish and rice and felt a little better. I was getting excited, and waiting for everyone to get there. I was tired but, it was my only son's first birthday. I grew up with family that believed strongly that all birthdays should be celebrated. We always make a big deal out of birthdays. We try to always remember everyone and try to go to all families birthday parties. I can't think of a siblings birthday I've missed. I plan to never miss my nephew's birthdays either. Even though he is moving to Columbus soon, I hope to make the trip to see him on his second birthday. I'm planning on making his cake as well. As my Grandmother arrived I began work on the cream cheese icing that would become the mustard, ketchup, and lettuce of the Hamburgers. When she got here she gave him her birthday present which was a quilt she had made for him with his name on it. They laid it out for him to play on.

And She had brought Aggie a present too. A little quilt for her toddler bed. Made from taffeta, it's absolutely stunning, and matches my living room suit perfectly lol. It's embroidered with now i lay me down to sleep and five angels around my bed. Trimmed in pink. She still hadn't made it here yet. I was finishing up on the cupcake when I made a call to my grandmother to see where she was with Aggie, and if they would make it in time. I knew in my heart there would be no way she would miss a birthday party. It simply wouldn't be like her to do so. Especially a first birthday party. I got her voice mail. I began making the hot dogs and called again. I had been working hard and was expecing certain family members to show up. Stephens grandmother had told be years before that they didn't go to parties very often because they don't like crowds. I'm not offended by that in the least, tho his grandmother has came to several parties I've discovered that if I tell her when the party is she lets it slip to Stephen's mother and she shows up and usually wreaks everything. She'll normally be strung out on some drug or half baked from the car ride to Grayson from Gallipolis. Something I don't take lightly and have put my foot down on around my children, especially from her she's very non challent about it. To the point that it offends me. With her recent cancer crisis and her refusal of chemo I can't stand to be around her. She declared that she would rather die then take the chemo. I cannot be around her. I watched my mother struggle to make it to one last Christmas because the chemo did not work for her. Here my mother in law is walking around with one breast laughing about it saying she's dying and flashing people her scare. I don't care if it's her way of dealing it's disgusting and childish and my children will not be around it!Back to Micky's birthday, I call my grandmother again, after I put the hot dogs on to cook. I left a message this time, just asking where they were I had worked really hard on the party so everyone would be able to come to it.    I know she's been taking care of Aggie and it's been hard on her and she's not been feeling to well.  I just was expecting o see her van pull up sooner or later and I had a chair for her ready as I waited. I hung up the phone. Only two people had come well three counting David, and Aggie wasn't here yet to play with him. Frances picked up the phone and made a call, when she came back I was told that Mawmaw was going out to eat with Aggie and Sara and that they wouldn't be here. My heart sank, I've been sick and my emotions have been hanging by a thread for about a week now. I had a break down. This meant that my little girl would miss her brother's birthday. And worst of all my grandmother the woman who raised me wouldn't be here. It's bad enough that my father could care less about making it, even to my own graduation. But my grandmother who's been there for me througheverything. What's going on?
I know it seems a little dramatic, but I had to go into my room and just cry. I just don't get it. I had been planning the party for over a month, had confirmed that I would still have the party even though I'm still recovering from surgery. Did most of the preparation myself. Even did the shopping for the party a couple days before hand. Why would they agree to go out to eat when I had put so much time and effort into my son's birthday? I still don't know the answer. I'm still hurt. But I forgave her, I'm still hurting from it. Am I still not someone's child? Do  I not matter anymore? I know I'm an adult, my priorities have changed, but has my heart? I don't have a mother I can call up and she'll tell me it's all gonna be ok. I call my grandmother, she's all I got. I love my dad, he's done what he can but he's not who he used to be. Without my mother he's just not the same. He didn't come to my high school graduation and ever since then I haven't expected too much from him I was surprised he gave me away at my wedding. But today, hurt me more than it really should have. I don't think most people realize what I don't have on a day to day basis. And it's hard. I remember when I was younger every year on my grandmother's birthday her mother would call and sing her happy birthday. I know it was the highlight of her day. I can see why. I'll never have that.


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