Saturday, October 23, 2010

Ramble, Ramble, Babble.

So, I do spend a considerable time in front of my computer. Most of which had been spend accepting that there are changes I have to make to some of my poetry for it to actually be acceptable to be publish. When I’m famous, if it ever happens, I can then write what ever I want. Or I can just self publish it here. But who is gonna read it here? I’ve only got my one follower, tried and true, she’s really been my follower since 95!!! I love ya Cara!!!!

Honestly though, you should hear some of the things in my head. To myself, I sound quirky, smart, and a little bit sassy. When it comes out of my mouth I sound dim witted, wasted and down right bitchy.  When I write it out, it usually sounds too happy go lucky or too dark and demented. Finding that place in between that still expresses what I wanted to say in the beginning, damn, it’s actually the hardest part of writing. Being commercially acceptable is not what imagined my writing to be about. But, I do realize, that is part of the process.

It’s true, I’m stuck on my fairy tale. I’m closing up the research on medieval names and beginning (finally) the research on Brittany, France. How’s that going so far? Well, I have a toddler, who usually inspires me, she’s not exactly the best research partner. Recently she’s began to sing OH Chihuahua. How does one get into the mood to read about France with the word Chihuahua suck in their head!? If I were rich I’d have a nanny.

When I am on a writing streak I do take breaks and you can usually tell if I’m writing or lounging. Most of my desk is clear and well it looks a little bit like this.

fall 166 

I may have been checking on the UT- Bama game. Maybe. Ok, I don’t understand football all the well, but I am a Vols fan. (I can’t help it)

I have been thinking a lot about leaving Grayson.  I need to, honestly, this town is eating me up from the inside out.  I feel depressed each and every time I walk out the door and realize there is nothing for me to do. Sure, there are things for the kids to do. I can take them to church, take them to the park by that church, or take them to that party that one church is having, or I could let them attend that thing at that CHURCH! Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against church. But, I want my children to have other things to do besides church. This is one of the reasons I chose to let Natalie be a cheerleader. I’ve actually had a blast , going to all her games, watching the little players and cheerleaders! It’s been a joy and I really want my kids to do it again next year! Maybe even get Chloe in on it too!  But back to leaving Grayson. I don’t work in Grayson, at the moment, my money isn’t coming from any source that can hold me here. But, then comes the question, where can you go? How are you going to get there? And the dreaded… What will child care cost? Lets face it, If/When I decide to leave Grayson, I will need to have a job, an actual jpb with a steady income to pay for things like a house/apartment, food, clothing. A lot to think about, but people have done more with less that what I have or could make.  Maybe, I’m just blowing steam. There’s really too much going on in my life to make a decision like that. But, I can’t stay forever, or can I?


Cara said...

That poor UT/Bama game. They rolled over us alright....oh well. Nothing unexpected anyway.
Nothing to do in Grayson, huh? I totally understand. Whatever we decide to do w/ our lives we'll be alright. We'll make it.

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