Sunday, October 24, 2010


There are things in this world I don’t know. There are things that I don’t want to know. What I do know, some things hurt, some things make us whole, other things, go away with time, all things are forgotten. In my blog post Broken I wrote:

“The hatred and bitterness of my father, the pain and loneliness of my grandmother as we were rushed from my mother’s viewing just so she couldn’t see us.”

This is not to say I didn’t see my father’s pain, or my grandmother’s bitterness as well. I’ve come to see in time all things change. My father’s bitterness melted the day he held Chloe for the first time. I saw him smile in a way I hadn’t see since I was a young girl. I know he tries with all he has. I don’t blame my father for much except for being a good father, he wasn’t always around but when he was it was good.

My grandmother, Juanita’s pain grew into guilt and loneliness. She feels a need to provide or her adult grown children. She’s one of the strongest people I’ve known in my life. But, people know her guilt and have taken advantage of it.   I would also like to mention that there was a psychic that tried to tell her my mother’s spirit was in her home. THAT IS A LIE!!! I’ll leave it at that, until another time.

My grandmother, Dorthy, you want to meet an amazing person, this is one! She raised six children and then took on four more years later. I know how we came to be with her, and I also know that it was the BEST place for us to be. Though, in my teen years I fought and rebelled, as most teens do. I think I would have been a much happier and stale teen if I hadn’t been ill guided by other family members. I am in no way placing blame. But, if you had a teen that was being told by another adult, it’s unfair that you cannot do this, or I would let you do that. It becomes confusing to them. My grandmother raised me and let me go, in a most painful way(not physically ). I may never fully discuss how I came to leaving her home, but I did not on my own accord. I may not agree with her reasons for her actions at all times, I may still react horribly to situations. But, I still love her, still respect her opinion, and back her if it’s ever needed.


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