Saturday, January 1, 2011


Happy New Year! So, 2010 is officially over. I'm happy to see it go as I am with each passing year. Though, this year more so than the rest. 2010 has been unusually rough for me. I'm not going to get into specifics.. But, it did allow me to see Stephen as my only love, who knows me inside and out blind. Honestly, I couldn't ask for more.
With the ringing in of the New Year marks the count down to my Birthday, my 29th to be exact. I'm not worried about turning old or being refereed to as old or any of the typical cliché's. I have a hard enough time getting people to believe I'm not in high school. This could be in part to how I dress, or my childish behavior at times. (No I'm not referring to the fight I had with Jeanetta about who needed to be with MY sister when her husband passed away. I'm talking about my habit of jumping in mud puddles and avid comic reading. ) I've noticed that some of my family does not take me seriously. I wonder if that's in part to them not seeing me as an adult. In regards to this a small list of MY adult-ness and examples of how I'm raising MY children.
1. I don't take drugs, I have a small tolerance for them around myself, my children, and my younger siblings.
2. I have a husband whom I love, who takes care of us in what ever way needed.
3. We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge, and a little extra money to spend on luxuries once in awhile.
4. Yes, we do invest some of our money, wisely, and Stephen has a 401 k. We also pay for our health insurance which with four children our health is just as important as theirs.
5. I have regular panic attacks, I have since '95. Yet I don't expect the state to pay me for them, I am in control of them. I don't take advantage of any state assistance.
6. We pay back any money that is borrowed and we do not EXPECT people to just fork over money when we need it. To us it's do or die. If we don't have the money for the phone and the electric, we talk with the phone company, shut the darn thing off and pay the electric. THAT is the responsible thing to do.
7. I expect my children to have certain degrees of responsibility, if they spill something they clean it up. If I need help with my younger children the two older ones are there to help. They take the dog out and know not to talk back.  And most importantly, it's taught my children to be self efficient, a very important thing in adulthood.
8. I may lose my temper from time to time and shout, scream, and possibly throw things. I take responisbilty for my actions, and ask for forgiveness from the people that I've hurt.  (Lately, I broke down and shoved my Aunt from the kitchen, I also wanted to slap her which I didn't. I asked her to forgive me, crying and on my knees. She hasn't yet, though she thinks that all is well. Time will tell.)
9. I know that I don't know everything, but I've been through more than people think. I've seen things that many people never will. I would say that my experiences are part of my ever building wisdom.

After reading over this, it does sound as if I'm attacking my Aunt. I'm not, I'm worried for her and my uncle. I want them to have peace of mind and be able to support them selves. I guess I'm lost as to how at their age they cannot support themselves as my family has taught me. I know that these skills are in there, I know that they've been taught to them too. So I ask that for the New Year as a present to me. Pray that they over come their obstacles, addictions, bad habits, and begin a life anew on their own two feet. Allow them to raise a healthy, polite, beautiful daughter.


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